If parties and panties do rhyme, it’s by all indications, a coincidence. Why party and panty, of all vices, other than drinking and smoking?

Before our readers are lost in translating party and panty into layman’s terms, here we are offering why.

First the drinking and smoking. As to smoking, we gave up this vice as soon as we realized it was dangerous to our health. Way back in 1996, we quit smoking cold turkey because it was the best option available if ever we intended to live longer than expected. We did succeed in kicking the bad habit and it was to our good fortune that to this day smelling tobacco smoke becomes offensive to our nostrils no end. Success! To dyed-in-the-wool smokers, drinking is part of the configuration. They are like hand in glove. But as we left the smoking habit for good, we still kept on drinking the hard way. Until our kidneys gave up blaming our excessive drinking binges, the possible suspect why.

Many school of thoughts came into the picture as soon as damage to our kidneys became irreversible. Of course, drinking was one, and the rest is history. Now, for the remaining vices we gave up too, because the law of diminishing returns caught us up. Yes, parties. Of late we became obsessive to throwing parties, because we believed that this is one past time we can afford to splurge, our budget permitting. So obsessed with parties that anything we can think of that calls for a celebration, we find the right excuse to party. Even the completion of our dirty kitchen (even if it does not look like one because it is tiled from the ground up) we find it an excuse to party because it was finished. If only it was not asking too much to celebrate the birthday of our house help because we ran out of reasons to party, then, we would have thrown one in honor of our loyal domestic helper. Of course, the red letter occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and yuletide parties are a must as our way of thanking our Creator for all the blessings that come our way every now and then. With our finances dwindling brought about by business slowdown, we decide to temper our penchant for parties resulting in savings in blowout budget.

Last but not the least in the list of vices we gave up is this stuff known as panties. Tinkering with panties, that’s it. To this aging gigolo, the time is up for uncovering the secrets of Victoria Secret. Where before we wondered the wonders of the underwear industry because of our insatiable appetite to uncover the cover of a woman’s private part, we decided to give up this vice too because we have finally found one more love of our life after the wife. Other than finding the right reason to stop this foolishness, we also have to contend with the reality of a “collapsed scaffolding”. No regrets, however. At least, once upon a time, we played our role to the hilt to making girls-- women fulfilled.